Memoirs of a Mike Allen

Tonight was by far the worse date of my life. I met this girl randomly one night and she told me had a BF when I asked her out… Less then a week later..I’m end up running into her on the tracks of the 6 train. I recognized her by her black leather boots, thin long legs, and perfect shaped rear. I walk up to her…and go Hey! Taurus! I didn’t remember her name…just her sign. We talk on the track for about ten minutes as train was delayed, and then on the train for a bit longer. Before she gets off she says, You know what, I should have given you my number last week let me give it to you now. Turns out she didn’t’ actually have a BF. So during course of the next few days I keep running into her randomly. We ended up saying its fate that we go out. So we finally met up tonight at 10 at this wine bar. It’s pretty much me filling in the awkward quiet moments because she doesn’t have anything interesting to say. Typical Taurus girl…only dates older men with money….brings NOTHING of value to the table except youth and flexibility. I basically sum her up within 5 minutes…though I try and give her the benefit of the doubt by asking questions of her past and what made her happy. Now its 1am and I have 3 hrs of my life I’ll never get back. So I end the date outside after I settle the bill and tell her that she is the most boring date/person I’ve met in my life. That she has many years of self discovery ahead of her…and that maybe…at 33 she’d be an interesting person..but at 24 she isn’t. She looked shocked but couldn’t argue or say anything in defense….she looked like a puppy dog who’d just peed on the carpet and knew of their wrong doing. Oh well. Just erased her from my iPhone. Good Riddance.

As a rule, I tend to stay away from Russian women.  No matter how beautiful and alluring they are from a physical standpoint, the rough accents, lack of connection and understanding of my humor make them near useless in my book. 

This past weekend, I attended a club promoters pre-party.  I was forced into a shot fest…and ended up talking to this Russian Girl with BIG steely blue eyes that didn’t look Russian….more midwest blonde…until she of course opened up her mouth.  She was a spunky girl, playing aloof for most of our initial interactions.   For that evening alone, she was my sparkle pony.  She wore this glittery sequin top and jeans that should have been thrown out long ago…or given to a frumpy mommy to wear.

I did end up kissing her briefly on this random bed as she was laying there beckoning me with a finger to come.  As I neared her, the smell of smoke on her breath kind of killed the whole experience.   I tried to focus on the positives and just stared at her blue eyes in my inebriated state and let time pass until I could make a quick escape and head to club solo…blonde-less and happy.

I spend most of the night avoiding the blond Russian who at random moments would rest her head on my chest and get super affectionate on me.  At one point I spotted a Swedish delight with long slender legs and gazelle on over.  I converse with her awhile, show her some of my art work, talk about her life, and at point point as this all goes down I feel someone punching my lower back. I immediately figure its the crazy Russian but ignore it as though nothing at all had happened.  1, 2, 3 more punches and finally an arm gets wrapped around me from the side as the Russian drapes her body on me while I pretend as though its totally normal to have a girl draped on your body that isn’t part of the conversation.

Finally after not paying attention to Russian she loses her grip and disappears into the dance floor.   This was a good reminder of why I stay away from Russians.

I left LA…

For a better life.

These will be my stories.  Gazelle Stories.

I had the most intense random exciting adventure driven dream last night. Oddly enough.  Oprah was in it.  I met her here in LA.  At this point, I’m 2 hrs up since dreaming such vivid things.  Oprah had highered a personal trainer…and somehow..magically ended up having the body of a perfect ripped 23 year old model.  She was super cool laidback…and we ended up talking at perhaps it was intellengentsia on Abbot Kinney.  I told her I had this Vision of shooting her with BW film.  I wanted to do something that had never been done with her photographically….  A throw back to 50’s 60’s fashion and decor.    She was excited about it…and we ended up getting in a black SUV that took us to LAX.  She flew us to NYC…(though in my mind..it was a different NYC….)  She lived in a house that was once a big commercial space…that had a rotating door to get in … it was super fast..and you’d have to time it super perfectly to jump in and out. When you came in…there was a elementary school to the left…and to the right another door that took you to this massive modern space….which was Oprahs home.  You overlooked a perfect space of green that went for miles….and in the distance you saw crazy old homes…that looked like ancient factories….each home giant and grand in its own special way.  The facades of each like the fuselages of fallen rusted aircraft.   I ended up having my own insane room with a wall covered in giant LCD panels…and a  computer that I could work on.  FB ended up showing up on all the screens at once…   I somehow booked a flight back to LA - grabbed my cameras…and film…told a friend about my adventure and what was going on only to be told I was a Liar.  I went back to NYC that night and met up with Oprah again. We had Thai food… and spoke of photo shoots, fashion, dreams of mine…and what she felt she was missing in her life..needed to do next.  She apparently was launching a new TV show…  And on it…she was going to give away a Mike Allen Portrait session to some lucky person on the show…..she was excited about it…as was I.   I then met up with Dave Mathews…who was in NYC at same time…and we gazelled around…  I ended up just bringing blondes to our table and leaving them with him as I continued doing laps in this seemingly endless space at this Bar lounge space.   I can’t really remember the rest of the dream other then NYC seeming like this magic place.  Oh Oprah. Hah.  How did you end up in my dream?

As a rule, I tend to stay away from Russian women.  No matter how beautiful and alluring they are from a physical standpoints, the rough accents, lack of connection and understanding of my humor make them near useless in my book. 

This past weekend, I attended a club promoters pre-party…was forced into a shot fest…and ended up talking to this Russian Girl with BIG steely blue eyes that didn’t look Russian….more midwest blonde…until she of course opened up her mouth.  She played aloof and was actually quite rambunctious and quick witted…  For that moment…she was my sparkle pony.  She wore a shiny top, and jeans that should have been thrown out long ago…   

I did end up kissing her briefly on this random bed as she was laying there beckoning me to come…and the smell of smoke on her breath kind of killed the whole moment.  Her lack of yoga butt also kind of ruined the experience…so I just stared at her blue eyes in my inebriated state and passed time and I jumped away to go with my friend to Colony.  I didn’t go with the masses via limo transport…but with my buddy.  Fast forward to almost end of where I constantly avoid Russian girl who keeps trying to rest her head on my chest and being all lovey…and I spy a Swedish delight with long long slender legs and gazelle over. I converse with her awhile, show her my photographs, talk to her about her life, and as this is going on I feel a punch in my lower back.  Without turning around I pretty much know what is going on so I ignore it and continue to talk to Swede. 1, 2, 3 more punches and finally an arm wrapped around me from the side as the Russian Girl drapes on my body…I do a great job of not reacting and because I hold such intense eye contact Swede barely notices. Russian eventually lets go and disappears into the dance area.    Never again will break my no Russian rule, they are insane!!!!!!   - Gazelle Out

I was at Palihouse two weeks back with friends Dave Mathews and Rob Meadows. We were posted across from the giant Polaroid Wall enjoying a bottle of pinot when we noticed this cute blonde sit down on this plush lounge chair with this dark haired gentleman. We immediately noticed the disparity of attractiveness between them and later upon second glance a bored look on her face and this weird awkward energy between them. Dave ended up locking eyes with her for longer then would be expected had she been on a happy date. We laughed about it and as soon as the man had gotten up Dave told me to sit down next to her and talk to her. I did, telling her my thoughts and observations regarding the awkward exchange between her and the man…to which she laughed and agreed that the date was less ideal. I got her number and email address using the classic we should shoot pictures soon line which I have in recent times not used anymore to get phone numbers as being direct has been a better plan of attack. Within a few seconds of my return to our observation table the dark haired man had returned… We didn’t know it at the time but he had an overactive bladder and had to relieve himself every 20-30 minutes. Each time he left a new one of us would sit next to her, make her laugh, play with her hair…and push whatever boundaries we could while he relieved himself. Finally it was Rob’s turn to sit next to her when he left…and he stayed longer then all of us.. Eventually the man came back as Rob sat cozy next to her and when he said something Rob replied, oh we were just catching up….while Dave and I tried to stifle our intense laughter. We eventually left her there with her horrible date though feeling good about the excitement we brought into her life each time he left to urinate. Perhaps the blonde Gemini will cross paths with us again.

They are beyond amazing live. Soo good! I can’t wait to see them again. There recorded stuff doesn’t blow me away…but live..I think of Pink Floyd Epic-Ness with there layered vocal sound. Please check em out!

http://racesband.tumblr.com/post/13658477443/races-are-playing-three-shows-next-week-including

I just finished watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Even though movies are such…fluff. They make you feel good and allow you relive/remind all the best moments of love. It seems like I’ve had to fight for every incredible woman I’ve met only to have life throw some curve ball eliminating a chance of something working out.

On the upside I have never had an issue with fucking beautiful women…she dating them and calling them my own.  So I guess I’ll just focus on what matters…sex and my career..nothing else.  I’m going to pretend like I don’t know how to love

 Maybe my 30’s will bring a more adult way of life, until then, I’m here for the fun and to capture every beautiful sexy dirty little thing on film.

This blog has always been a quiet platform to escape to writing down my thoughts and stories of various love circles, sexual experiences, and new friends met. While this won’t change too much, my focus will be more image driven in my posts. I’m a photographer, I travel, its best I take lots of photographs and share them to you all.

Touching back a couple posts on how I met this interesting woman from Sweden…

She carried this tiny black digital camera everywhere and took tons of images. After using it a bit I was really surprised at the capable nature of that camera. It really took ridiculously awesome photos. When she told me the camera was 4-500 dollars I thought she was exaggerating the price of it…

Turns out she was spot on. Not a cheap camera, but as Ken Rockwell raves…the BEST point and shoot out there. End of story. I’m inclined to agree.

Here are some random images taken with it when we adventured around together.
P.S. very last image is taken with my wonderful film camera. Can’t do a post with just digital pics now.

Today has been awesome overall. It started a bit slow waking up to gloomy weather and attempting a bike ride to Malibu…which lasted…5 min? I turned around and went back home…the slight wind chill and bleak clouds overhead really sucked my motivation out of me.

As I rolled up my driveway I got a text from a friend who wanted me to meet him @ the pump station. I then headed into the mix of WEHO and had peanut butter soft serve and brownies. We caught up on our talks of love and conquests…and talked some business regarding an event coming up that State Farm (he does their marketing) is sponsoring. As I was leaving I got a phone call from an actor I was supposed to shoot in Silverlake. He was coming back from Studio City and wanted to meet up at The Kings Road Cafe. I headed over there next and joined him for some lunch. We spoke about all the different areas that one can live in and how he’s found happiness in Silver Lake with his wonderful girlfriend.

After our food we went back to my place, grabbed a couple cameras and went out to shoot some portraits around town. I hope you enjoy.

Photography will forever be my access to people and their stories.

I don’t much care for the night life here in Los Angeles. Anyone who has soul, a mind, and heart can attest to the less then satisfactory times when going out to any mainstay that Hollywood has to offer.

This past week, I went to Drais to see my friend for his birthday. It was good to see the usual lineup of peeps, the high fives, the hugs, and the where have you been(s).

Almost at the end of my night, I saw this woman that just stopped me in my tracks. Everything about her radiated this quiet confidence, and pulled me in and I had to know who she was, though more importantly, I wanted to photograph her.

With an almost bored tone to my voice, I gave her my website and told her to contact me if she liked my work. It was later that I found out my less then excited approach to her helped me get a return email from her the next morning.

I ended up convincing her that a shoot should happen immediately and so began adventure and discovery into the mind of this special woman.

I cannot ever reveal what was said between us, but It is a reminder that the worlds most beautiful women are capable of incredible depths and sometimes you do find them in the cesspools of LA’s hottest nightspots.

A snap from our photo shoot @ LDC Design Studio where my friend was gracious to let me photograph her there.

Despite really being fucked up and under the influence, we all know what we are doing when we spout out things/grab a woman’s ass/punch someone in the face. Liquor brings out ones true self to the surface. There are no filters, no lies, no facades to hide behind. Just a sloppy but very poignant truth.

Strongly dislike people who IM you on FB…who you respond to almost immediately…and they take 30 minutes in between responses.

Them: He STud (yes-they misspelled hey)
Me: Yo! (response was sent within 4 seconds…)
30 min later: Whats new?
Me: Shootin, learning, livin. Still in WEHO?
42 min later: yups

The stupid thing is they message you after you’ve stopped responding asking why you don’t respond. Its like dude..if your IM’ing me…and really its cause you want pictures…and I’d probably be willing to do them as I’ve known you a long time and you have a great look and wardrobe. You’d better respond with fucking expedience, otherwise, I may never shoot you ever…on principle for your retard FB Im-in ways.

I write so much nonsense on here….yet I never ever post pictures. I’m going to try and put up a few photo series every week.

Here are a few random photos from my last SF trip of me and other scenic images.

I also happen to be in a bit of a mood. While a bit of sadness comes over me….I am happy to remember some of the best times of my life.

I have a friend that I shared one incredible month with. It was never meant to be and we both knew it from the beginning….but we shared quite a time together. We came into each others lives at the perfect time for special reasons unique to both our situations.

I miss that month dearly and all the experiences we shared together. I was looking for a Video clip today of a photo shoot I did and I ended up finding 20 or so videos of my crazy month with her. I watched every clip and relived some of the best moments of my life. I still have a smile on my face thinking about some of the lamest cheesiest shit I’ve ever said in those moments when I was entirely caught up and a part of her very special world.

With Facebook chronicling the details of our lives at every moment, we can almost relive social events via our newsfeeds when we do log on late at night or early morning. Mobile uploads in the moment notify us of things currently in action, and the subsequent party albums that follow the next day show us how much fun we either missed or whether our judgment call to stay in or be mellow with a special someone was the right decision after all.

Through my photography I’ve grown a pretty wide social network here in LA that really covers every economic background.

Through my observations, you really only need to go to one or two key parties to meet all the people in the mix. This in the end becomes frustrating because the meeting of new people seems difficult. I glanced over at a ton of images that popped up over night of the last week of partying….and really at each party I recognized 99% of all the faces at the parties. Nobody new and nothing really missed out by not going. I guess the key thing is find THE group that you vibe with on the coolest level. Stay away from the plastics, the insecure 30’s women who latch on to any man with the slightest inkling of stability , the young 20’s who are looking solely for a step up in life, and whomever else that doesn’t contribute to this world in a positive creative manner.

Make the greatest group of friends you could ever have and never let a day pass that something amazing in your life does not happen.

Of insecurity at times.

Today is one of them. There are soo many things I love about myself. I am charismatic, talented, good with people, absolutely passionate about my career, hobbies, and interactions with friends around me. One thing though lingers and puts me at unease.

I’m 26 years old, and I’m a few months away from turning 27. I am respected by those around me for what I do, but I do not feel like I am at the place in life where I truly feel accomplished. I left a lucrative stable job in the insurance industry to pursue my absolute passion and love. I worked at photography for a year in my home town (where really, long term success did not exist) and finally I moved to Los Angeles to make it in a town where dreams really can come true. I’ve now been here two years this past week and I sit back and reevaluate life.

To focus on my positives. I’ve met incredibly influential people. I’ve held their attention and respect and have been complimented sincerely by people I respect most in this world.

I began to shoot “art photography” a few months ago at the encouragement of a friend. Within a month of shooting, I sold my first series (3 prints) for 15,000.

I’ve had photo shoots from clients where I’ve made 13,000 dollars for one day of my time. I guess for someone who’s been shooting people just over 3.5 years these are some pretty major accomplishments. I only wish I could capitalize on more of a consistent work flow.

In my head I know to some degree what I need to do to take my career to that next level, but on the other hand I feel lost and struggle with photo blogs that speak of changing times in the economy that affect photographers direct income directly. How much longevity do I have in this industry? Will being a famous photographer guarantee success and stability? Or is it possible to get to the top only to topple over with examples set by the Markus Klinko’s and Annie Lleibovitz’s of this world.

I think the thing that fuels my unrest most is my age in life. I love women more then anything, but ultimately I want to find that one true love. I have so many friends of mine that over the years have never settled down and don’t believe in doing so. They almost mock me when I talk of marriage and girlfriends. They say why have one when you can have them all?

I see them day to day, women in, women out. These women that they draw though…while physically attractive I find to be repulsive. I get questioning looks when I make my case that I want the one perfect girl for me that I find myself 110% attracted to. The one that means more in the world to me then anyone else. The one that I’d never cheat on and that I’d happy share the rest of my life with. I understand Divorce statistics are harrowing…but my parents have been together over 32 years and continue to keep on…and that inspires me.

I think of my growing age…and the fact that I don’t yet have the stability in my life to attract the type of girl I want to settle down with. I’m no fool…I understand the dynamics of dating/love/security. A woman isn’t a gold digger because she likes a successful man….she simply desires stability.

I think I’m taking all these thoughts as some-what of a wake up call and am going to cut out most of the frivolities in my life. No going out for the sake of drinking and being social. No late nights, just dedicated pure effort into my craft and making something out of my life.

I want to make my mark on this world with incredible photographs for notables, families, entertainment and Fashion industries.

I live in an amazing apartment on West Hollywood. Its not the biggest baddest place by any means but its home to me and I find comfort in its location, perfect room mate situation, and the pleasant light that pours in all day combined with the view of bamboo and other greenery outside my window.

I have the sweetest neighbor upstairs. She is in her 50’s perhaps? Cute older nice woman and on disability due to some bone disease? Its quite painful for her to walk around/do normal things that most people take for granted like do laundry or walk down to 7-11 and pick up slurpees…

Her laptop died a few months back right when i got a new Imac. I had my old PC laptop lying around and I just gave it to her to borrow indefinitely because my first taste of MAC ruined me….and I never wanted to use a PC again.

A client ended up email me for some extra print orders and I couldn’t find the files on my backup drive. I had to go upstairs and back up my files from the borrowed laptop on a flash drive so I could get work done. When my neighbor let me into her place she had tears streaming down her face. So many things had gone wrong this week and to top it off she was 15 dollars short on rent, her son and daughter couldn’t come and help her out…and her abusive ex…was being a complete ass to her.

I ended up excusing myself, went down stairs grabbed a 20 and came back up and gave it to her. And I cant tell you just how much relief I brought to her. It was as though I gave someone a brand new Porsche just because….that is how happy she was. I gave her a hug, grabbed my files, and went on my way feeling pretty good about life. If she would have needed several hundred dollars I would have given it to her in a heart beat knowing it would have made her life easier and brought more joy then the money would have brought me had I spent it on jeans…or some other frivolous pursuit @ the body shop involving many multiples of two dollar bills and g-strings :)

Its interesting just how life has a way of throwing things at us every so often. Sometimes we fight and fight and fight for something we think is soo seemingly perfect, only to find out almost a year later that it just wasn’t meant to be (though truthfully I knew deep down things never felt organic)

I’ve never been one to sleep around in my life. I’ve always had serious girlfriends and in between them It was rare for me to ever sleep with a girl that didn’t end up becoming my girlfriend. Clearly I’ve had my fun moments here in LA over the past year though now that I really think about it I’ve been here over a year and a half. I keep telling people that I’ve been here just over a year though really the two year mark approaches fast.

Tonight I spent time with a few of my friends and in the end reflected with them how much our lives had changed since moving here. How our personalities have changed, how our friends and social circles have changed, and how our crafts and goals and even taste in women have changed. As of late I’ve been trying to focus on work and push the women equation out of my head for awhile. I think because I haven’t pursued anyone or made any efforts in that regard, women have come my way.

Sarah was someone that was special to me. She was the first girl in LA that I was genuinely excited to hang out with. She was sincere, lively, sweet, and quite the charmer. I fell under her spell pretty quick and so began a half year of pursuing her. Due to extenuating circumstance, I never was able to be intimate with her. I knew I had to spend time with her to make her comfortable with me before she would be intimate with me, but as hard as I tried to be there, to spend time with her it just never worked out and came to screeching halt at the end of last year. I was pretty torn about it, and even liquored myself up with tequila and wrote/recorded at song @ 2am in the morning about her.

I thought I’d never see her again.

A couple months ago we reconnected randomly when she text messaged me asking me if I wanted to go to the Getty. I had so many unanswered questions as to why she cut things off with me and responded to her text within 19 seconds. We ended up having an amazing day, the skies were clear and the bluest of blue and I experienced the Getty for the very first time with eyes wide open amazement taking everything in while simultaneously enjoying the sexual tension between us. We ended up hanging out for the next several weeks and finally things started to fall in place. It wasn’t a fight to be together anymore. I started to warm up to her and the thought of having a relationship with her started to excite me again. When I thought it could not be more perfect she had to leave to Florida again for a month. I was somewhat bummed but as days passed after her flight departure I started to kind of disconnect. Its been a bit rough since…but time will tell…things will play out as they are meant to be.

I do not come here often enough…..

So a few days back I was bored and on face book….and I decided that it would be rad to hit on 5 random hot girls on face book that were friends of mine that I’ve never met personally…

I did not expect any responses…nor did I care. I just wanted to have fun…write cheesy…..I want to date you lines….and see if anything came of it…

I did get one response…and date out of it…but that was a boring affair at the local coffee shop…that need not be mentioned…

So this morning I change my FB status to “its complicated” as I knew it would generate some funny comments…and my friend messages me asking me if the new special girl is Amanda so and so…as we became new friends…and she thought maybe we hit it off at some party recently.

I told her Who is Amanda? And she said..the girl @ the wig party with horns…and at that moment…I realized the random girl I messaged for a date…was not really random…and that I had met her…and made out with another girl 3 feet away from her the whole night….

I ended up messaging her immediately afterward..and apologized for hitting on her…telling her I just wanted to randomly message women…just for fun..and that I didn’t realize I had in fact met her already…and made out in front of her with a different girl…My bad! She responded and told me how classy I seemed…trying to ask her out…after having played out that situation nights before…Oh alcohol how I love thee…

On a random note..I did take 450 ish pictures…though I only remembered taking 20 of them the whole night…I was sloshed…At least the ride home in a Ferrari was a good way to end the night with me hanging out the window and with every ounce of douche in me.. hollering at every hot girl walking down the street on Sunset. I need to hang out with P-Man more often. I think we’d get into all kinds of glorious trouble.

I once had a conversation about hobbies/interests/passions/ with a close female friend…I was trying to get her to get out of her comfort zone and try new things…I feel that too many out there live eeiry normal plastic lives void of passion. In an attempt to introduce her to something new I asked her what she was really good at…some sort of skill set that would allow me to recommend something new for her to try…After she gave it 5 minutes of thought…she said I give great head. Her greatest skill, BJ’s. Dear…that was a sad moment…I did laugh though…

At that moment I should have whipped it out and made her and my girlfriend at the time who was next to us go head to head…and see who was true champion of the blow job….

Perhaps in my next life :)

I need to come back here more often. So many things happen day to day here in Hollywood and I never slow down long enough to write about them.

Art through photography is a new pursuit of mine.

While what I do is very much an art in and of itself, I’ve not shot beyond paid jobs/portraiture/fashion and so forth. A mishap a few weeks back ended up being a huge blessing in disguise. I was shooting for a Russian/European food frozen company (http://royalfrozenfood.com/) when my camera that was improperly mounted to a tripod head and fell down shattering a favorite lens. I for some reason kept all the broken parts and this past week I started reading about plastic camera lenses and all the wonderful things that Holga cameras have done for film users from way back to now. I wanted vignettes, I wanted imperfect photographs, I wanted a vintage feel. After much inspiration from a few toy camera photogs I ended up constructing my own plastic lens from my broken lens and taking photographs of still life and turning them into art. So far the feedback has been great on my new project and I hope to have my work in Galleries soon. I’ll hopefully post up some examples in the next month or so as I progress on it. Stay tuned.

Today started off as one of those lazy Sundays meant for lounging, cocaine, and bagels…

It was not that…

I sit here @ 4am in the morning enjoying a medium rare bacon cheeseburger and reflecting at this incredible suite here @ the SLS Hotel.

Today was supposed to be a day I spent with someone currently special in my life..but the world is against us and she had to run off to S.D. for yet another emergency. So life began with a Malibu hike, afternoon driving range adventure on the third level with the most incredible electronic tee machine and beer followed by the LA auto show which is an amazing first time experience and a must for any enthusiast of automobiles.

I’ve learned of new cars I’ve never heard (total fan of Spyker now) and what Hyundai has done with their automotive line has blown my mind.

I dont know how I ended up here…in this super luxe modern hotel suite..but I’m drunk off Vuve Champagne, and full of medium rare burger…

i’m of to sleep…will complete later.

Update (oct 6th) Sadly the things I feared most happened. Momentum is everything, timing more so…

Dating this girl was one of the toughest experiences I’ve gone through romantically. She was an actress who worked consecutive 16 hour work days, traveled between San Diego and here, and had other issues that arose amidst our attempt at dating. I remember It wasn’t until our 3rd or 4th date that I actually got to kiss her for the first time. I will be honest, it was one of the worst kisses of my life… She was 21, had only been with one guy before, and I thought perhaps she just had no experience and needed to be taught. The one thing I noticed though from our first kiss was that it felt…”guarded” for a lack of better words. Something wasn’t right…it was almost as though she wasn’t letting go. For the next few weeks when we were together I enjoyed her company immensely. We had a great time, her laugh, sense of humor, and beautiful blue eyes drove me crazy… But when we were apart, her lack of response and communication via text made her feel cold and distant. (with any other girl all these things would be clear indicators of her not being into me) but when with her I didn’t feel it was that simple. A point was reached where I sent her a text message telling her I was in San Diego for the weekend and wanted to see if she wanted to hang out (as she was home from LA during the weekend to re-energize) Her response was brief and dismissive. I felt pretty sick to my stomach thinking that she really wasn’t into me, and that I was really beginning to like someone with no reciprocation. I ended up sending her a text saying “do you even want to date anymore? Please let me know and I’ll part ways if your not into it, I don’t want to waste my time or yours” She ended up calling me (and of course as luck has it call went straight to voice mail) and I couldn’t get a hold of her that day. Her voicemail said that we obviously needed to talk as this was all very silly. I got some hope from her message.

I ended up having a serious conversation with her the next day that just kind of rocked me…

Never ever have I had so many ongoing issues in a girls life that were all very bad for me and entirely out of my control. The conversation was good though because I understood at that point that it didn’t matter if I was the coolest richest most amazing guy in the world, nothing I could do would fix my predicament with her.

Crazy Issues Conversation.

Number 1. She was engaged 2 years ago to the absolute love of her life. I was the first guy since her EX that she tried dating (hence the guarded kiss) It gets much worse though…

Number 2. Said Ex was a special forces Pilot. His plane disappeared on a mission with his crew with NO trace. (operation was top secret) And he “wasn’t supposed to be there” She thought him to be dead and went on to grieve and go through that whole recovery stage over the course of 2 years. (still gets worse)

Number 3. Military tried going to her house in San Diego 3-4 weeks after we were dating to tell her something, they could not get her in person and ended up calling her and telling her they had information regarding her ex but could not tell her over a non secure line. At this point things were going through her head, is he still alive? Did they find the plane? Whats going on? All things that would prevent any feelings to really develope with me. Unfortunately it took her quite some time to talk to them for to only be able to tell her that they found the plane and were now fully committed to finding out what happened. A total mind fuck to her.

Number 4. She was rapped by a photographer Jan 28th of this year. Fucking ASS hole Christian Middle School PE teacher FUCK. I hate hate hate men sometimes…

All these issues doomed this relationship before it even started. I wish I had known half these things before as I would have never asked her out. Oh well, I now know what questions to ask a girl before I start dating her.

Even in her low moments, broken down, tired, stressed from things most don’t ever deal with in a life time, I find her to be absolute brilliance. Her energy and soul permeate my being, and make me the happiest man when I’m around her. I strive to be a better person when around her, for she is a much more kind and caring person then I will ever be. I hope to call her mine one day.

Shooting women is sometimes a very difficult thing. Being as visual as I am, and doing my job, makes it very easy for me to fall for all the various personalities of the women I shoot. I know my friends are sick of hearing about it, as I seem to fall for a new girl every week.

Lets face it, what I do is pretty cool. I shoot the most incrediblely sculpted faces that exist in this world. While most dont draw me in with an amazing personality, I every so often meet some amazing girl who has really lived life (most are from Europe) and can hold my attention in a way that external beauty never could. 9/10 times these special girls have boyfriends (unfortunately)

and furthermore respect, and professionalism will aways be a part of who I am. I’m not a sleaze bag, and as difficult as it is with a girl changing in front of you, or asking you which bra to put on…I have to maintain composure, and calmly answer….while trying to think non happy thoughts…

While it is rough seeing such special women that I will never have, It also enables me to be around them more often…

I’ve been lucky to have dated some wonderful women as a result of my profession. I’m just waiting for the right one to come into my life that will mean the absolute world to me.

For the last several years of my life, when single, I would always make sure to always have 2-3 girls in my dating pipeline. If someone did not work out, I always had others around me where it didnt matter…

This dating method works up until a point…

When you find one girl that clearly outshines every other girl, talking to anyone else just feels like a complete waste of time.

I’ve recently met one of these incredible girls. Dating her is a new experience for me though…

I love love love independent career driven women. The stage 5 clingers have always been a huge turn off for me, and I cant cope with it as I have my own life to live seperate of a girl. This girl however is on a whole different level of independent…and while I like it..I’m not used to it…and when I dont hear back from the person in a time frame that i’ve been accostumed to with other women it causes me to doubt myself and think whether this girl is as into me as I am into her. Women never have this effect on me initially…but this one is special and has me attached to some degree already…

The saving grace is that when we are together or on the phone those rare few times (due to her hectic crazy work schedule, and the fact that she hasnt found a place in LA yet…) Everything just feels right and holding her in my arms and looking at her smile always brings me a pure sense of elation. This is the slowest dating pace I’ve ever experienced…and I have no problem with being a patient man…

I just hope its not one of those things where momentum waines and things end up falling out down the line. If its meant to be….it will happen.

So I have this uncanny knack for meeting Taurus women that want to be my BFF’s basically…

I end up being their life coach…try and open their eyes to the errors of their ways when it comes to choosing/dating men. I end up getting frustrated, and in the end want to ravage them….

My friend just called me and told me that she just got done hiking and is now naked about to nap for awhile…and now all I can think about is her under her comforter enjoying her cool comfy bed with sheets touching every part of her body…

I so want to be there… But I have 3 shoots tonight starting at 6pm and rushing to her house would not be prudent.  So perhaps another day, and another bottle of wine…

Oh my God, this brings me back. It is indeed the simple things in life that make us most happy. I’ve been a serious cyclist since 14. For most, their first car was a huge milestone in the road to freedom. For myself, it was my first real road bike. I remember the day I walked with it out of the bike shop. It was a matte blue Cannondale with skinny tires, upgraded selle Italia sadle, weighed under 19 pounds, and had the tiny special pedals that required the special shoes for maximum efficiency and speed. Best part was it was 4 months old, babied by its original owner…and was resold to me for a fraction of its original 2000 dollar price tag. Even though I was only 14, I worked with my father @ his company and made the majority of my spending money. I liked it that way, everything I got for my enjoyment was funded by my hard work and ability to stock away money when I had something in mind to buy. That bike was my pride and Joy for the next 2 years of my life. Summer time was my time to get away and lose myself daily from 6am to 1am in the morning. My parents werent to keen on my being gone so long every day, but I pressed on and kept up with my 60 mile rides almost daily, followed up by my adventures and book readings at Barnes and noble till late at night. During this time I met and befriended people that were more then twice or three times my age. Some of my best friends that I still have today are as a result of those bike rides at such a young age. Some thought I was crazy to have a 50 year friend, but I didnt mind. It all seemed normal to me. I learned an incredible amount about life from them, and best yet, when they liked me, they would introduce me to their beautiful daughters that were my age :) Much summer fun indeed! I think we all need to simplify our lives from time to time and take a long walk or bike ride, slow down a bit and remember what life is really all about.